I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
