Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I see more hoeing in ur future
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