I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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