can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
