how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
