but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
