Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i love accidental penises.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
