its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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