so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize