I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
