Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
