When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
