It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
