Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
