To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
