Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
