I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
