I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
