The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
