somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
