just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
