The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
