Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
