just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
