Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
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