so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you remember whose house we're in?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
