Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just high enough for therapy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
