I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
