it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we're so committed to being not committed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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