She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
