There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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