No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
