i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have aggressive nipples.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
