i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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