My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
