ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
