hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
