3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
