So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
