Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
