She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
