summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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