My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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