Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
