yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
