...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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