I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
