Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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