Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
