i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
