The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
