susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
