Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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