Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
