Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
