I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
