Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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