Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
