Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
