yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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