When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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