i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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