it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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