he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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