i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
