There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
