Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
