I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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