I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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