is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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