I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So squirting runs in the family.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
