piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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