you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
