Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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