She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
