In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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