When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
