$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
